Blue Men of the Minch
Scottish folklore is amazing and fucking hilarious. The Blue Men of the Minch are basically super masc mermaids. MerMEN, if you will. They swim around the water between the islands of the Outer Hebrides and the Scottish Mainland, also known as The Minch. They are indeed blue as the ocean waves. They can control storms and the weather. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well, they also swim with their torsos out of the water, occasionally diving and jumping like dolphins. I’ll give you a moment to imagine that. Their entire goal in life is to fuck with ships. They challenge the captain of the boats to basically a slam poetry competition and then capsize the boat if the skipper loses. And you thought you loved poetry. Well, are you willing to kill for it?? They also sleep by just floating on the surface of the sea.
There are loads of theories about where these dudes came from and how the belief evolved. Some think they refer to the Vikings, others to the Picts. Some academics even claim that they sprung from the first interactions with Moors. But I think they come from a combination of deep respect for the untamable sea and the truly incredible Scottish sense of humor. The sea, the weather, and even the rocky islands themselves of western Scotland do at times seem hell-bent on fucking with you, particularly if you dare to do something as crazy as go outside for a walk. The native Scots simply put a face to these elements. The face of some big blue bastard who gets a kick out of being a dick.
The only thing that stands opposed to my hypothesis is the poetry. Why the poetry thing? Perhaps we should start instilling more of our folklore with artistic sensibilities. From now on unicorns are also experts at Classical guitar. Dragons enjoy watercolor. Trolls occasionally get together to put on theatrical productions, such as Arthur Miller’s A View from the Bridge.
Use these blue men as inspiration to create your own mythic creatures. They don’t have to be graceful like elves, or beautiful like fairies. They can be inspired by the guy from the hardware store who always asks you condescending questions. They can be an entire race of petty dudes who swim in the stupidest possible way.
[originally posted to Patreon on 26/2/25]
